PR Log (Press Release) –
Dec 18, 2009 – http://blog.qskipper.com/giant-robot-hamsters-threaten-eastern-seaboard/
In a bizarre turn of events, it seems as though these robot hamsters have spawned from a once seemingly harmless toy into a Christmas threat of unparalleled magnitude. Reports coming in from New York, Philadelphia and Washington D.C. all claim to have spotted gigantic Zhu Zhu hamsters roaming around.
We have received a leaked government satellite image from an anonymous source that appears to confirm the word on the street, showing giant robot hamsters marauding across the Eastern Seaboard. It would appear that there is no way back for the population east of the Mississippi. Panic has spread like wildfire in the major conurbations with many managing to evacuate in time. For those that remain the official advice is to hole up, be vigilant and stay put until help arrives. Towns with fairground attractions, Ferris wheels or giant slides appear to be particularly vulnerable to the Zhu Zhu pet menace.
The cause of this furry disaster is still unclear although scientist Dr. G.Goode has repeatedly stated that unusually high levels of the element antimony has caused this freak hamster mutation. He had this to say shortly before fleeing for the hills; “I told them, they wouldn’t listen to me, oh no! Nobody will be laughing when all they can hear is the squeaks of these crepuscular beasts.” The commission responsible for handling extreme toy scenarios has dismissed this theory as “fantastical scaremongering.” Alternative theories including government experiments gone awry and the explosion in population of the robot hamsters as a result of climate change are also being dismissed as fantasy. Whilst the exact cause remain a mystery previous experience suggests that someone fed their pet robot after midnight or simply failed to follow the rules set out by the elderly proprietor of the curiosity shop from which they came.
Eyewitnesses say loose packs of people have emerged, spurred on by the appearance of these giant pets, ready to drop everything at a moments notice and track these beasts, in what can only be described as a primeval hunting frenzy. Reports are coming in that these increasingly desperate parents are causing as much of a furore as the Zhu Zhu Pets themselves.
Not everyone is terrified at the prospect of a fluffy Christmas. “The robot hamster threat has been blown way out of proportion” claimed a New Jersey local who did not wish to be named. “These pets just want a warm place and a fresh set of batteries to call their own. My daughter just loves having a 10 tonne pet.” Claims that the government is planning the largest peace-time deployment of straw seen in the last century and a half cannot be substantiated at time of press. This would appear to follow a policy of containment perhaps in the hope that Mr Squiggles and his fellow Zhu Zhu will prove easier to tame once their batteries have been exhausted.
Expert big game hunter Matt ‘Wild Cat’ Harward advises not to approach the robot hamsters; “These critters may look all sweet and fluffy but don’t be fooled into thinking they’ll be an easy catch.” He added: “Personally I’d leave it to the professionals.” Our advice is to lock the doors and board up the windows before it’s too late. If you are desperate enough to tackle these fluffy terrors then do so from the comfort of your own home and use Qskipper.com to minimise the risk of trampling or flying fur.
Have you seen a Zhu Zhu Pet in the wild? Send your sightings to us, here at the newsdesk.
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